family dynamics

I've observed little, if any, gender segregation here. Women and men sit and eat together. I haven't been able to see gender patterns in how the children are treated, because the only boy in the family is the youngest at age three. Part of this may be that I met very few people that aren't part of the extended family, but, of course, that itself is an critical facet of Bedouin life. Perhaps more significantly, I did not interact with any teenagers. No doubt gender dynamics would have been far more apparent around people who're neither children nor married.

The men are very affectionate and touchy-feely, both with children and with their peers. It's hard to tell for sure, because we always notice what surprises us, but nonetheless I'd say that the men showed more affection than the women. Abu Laith was always very affectionate with the kids, playing and cuddling with them; I observed the same thing among other men who visited, and not just with their own children. Abu Laith tends to drive the kids in the car while the women tend to the sheep. Um Laith also tends to do most of the cooking. It's unclear how these roles overlap and reinforce one another, though. Is Abu Laith the primary caretaker because that's his role as a man, or because a woman's role is to tend the sheep and they don't want the kids to walk? Does Abu Laith's role as the family driver reinforce existing labor divisions, or did it create them? How will this change once all the kids are in school?

I paid a great deal of attention to child-rearing, as a personal interest. It's worth noting from the outset that I heard some very different things about the parenting from friends who stayed with other families. Unfortunately, summarizing and comparing the experiences of my fourteen friends is too ambitious a project for this blog, but I would be happy to give you more information if this is a subject that interests you.

In my opinion, the kids in my family are growing up extremely well. They are just raised to be super considerate and anticipate needs; the hospitality culture is extremely apparent in their upbringing. Haneen (age 5) takes care of and responsibility for Laith (age 3) whenever he seems to need it. The kids are all super affectionate towards each other, especially towards the younger ones. A friend of the family visited with her toddler once, and every single kid there lavished affection and attention on him.

The kids have a toy or two, but mostly they tackle each other and run around. They drive shoes in the sand, play hide and seek, jump over things. They hit each other alot, but seem to have a great time on either end of it. Abu Laith chants word-game-songs back and forth with Laith pretty regularly, and sometimes Haneen, too. It's the same sort of sing-song kids at home do.

The kids' play does occasionally escalate to the point of fighting. One day when Laith was bugging Haneen, Abu Laith extricated him and started playing with him himself, rather than scolding him or permitting him to continue. The kids don't hold grudges long, and are likely to go right back to playing affectionately a few minutes after a fight is broken up. Sometimes Laith throws things at one of the dogs, and they stop him. They let him play with the pet goat, though, presumably because it doesn't hurt it, and because it's play, not attack.

The adults let the kids do things we wouldn't permit, like play with knives, run around near a fire, or ride in the back of a truck. It's a bit of a shock, but a little reflection reveals that these are all things that are only made dangerous by unfamiliarity. I would never let a three-year-old ride a donkey back home, because they would squirm and fall off. The Bedouin kids, for all their rambunctiousness the rest of the time, know that riding a donkey is a time to sit still. If a campfire is an integral part of your daily life, you're much less likely to get burned. Even at three and five, Laith and Haneen knew when to be quiet, sit still, and hang on. It's possible that it struck me more because of the different environment, but I was constantly impressed by what a remarkable sense of boundaries they had for their age.